frekiandgeri: (Default)
It's truly astonishing to me just how little I have to say lately. I used to be able to type my heart out on a near daily basis when I was leading a mostly reclusive life. Now that things are more interesting, words fail me.

I can't believe I'm 26, approaching 27. What the hell happened to my 20's? I realise I'm far from old, and I don't dread getting older, in fact I spent my teen years looking forward to my 30's. What's bothering me is how little I've done in this time. Granted, I got married and moved across the country three times. But I'm no closer to my goals than I was six years ago.

I have had some epiphanies about where my life is headed and what to expect long term. I've come to realise that I really want to be here for my parents. All my siblings have moved to different corners of the United States, got married, and had children. My husband and I don't want children and we are both incredible close to my parents.

I may end up in Pahrump for a very long time and honestly, I'm just fine with that. I love being so close to Las Vegas. It's a beautiful and interesting city. Sure, I really miss Oregon. Oregon will always be 'home'. But I'm very fond of this place. And Oregon isn't that far away, it's well within my reach.

Things are working out well and I'm pretty happy with where I am right now. I just always envisioned something... different. But life has a funny way of putting you right where you need to be.

D
frekiandgeri: (Default)
It's truly astonishing to me just how little I have to say lately. I used to be able to type my heart out on a near daily basis when I was leading a mostly reclusive life. Now that things are more interesting, words fail me.

I can't believe I'm 26, approaching 27. What the hell happened to my 20's? I realise I'm far from old, and I don't dread getting older, in fact I spent my teen years looking forward to my 30's. What's bothering me is how little I've done in this time. Granted, I got married and moved across the country three times. But I'm no closer to my goals than I was six years ago.

I have had some epiphanies about where my life is headed and what to expect long term. I've come to realise that I really want to be here for my parents. All my siblings have moved to different corners of the United States, got married, and had children. My husband and I don't want children and we are both incredible close to my parents.

I may end up in Pahrump for a very long time and honestly, I'm just fine with that. I love being so close to Las Vegas. It's a beautiful and interesting city. Sure, I really miss Oregon. Oregon will always be 'home'. But I'm very fond of this place. And Oregon isn't that far away, it's well within my reach.

Things are working out well and I'm pretty happy with where I am right now. I just always envisioned something... different. But life has a funny way of putting you right where you need to be.

D
frekiandgeri: (Default)
The Good:

I've put up a webcomic. It isn't much and I'm well aware my artwork could use work, but it's something I've wanted to do for a long time and I enjoy doing it:

Dah Dah Dah! Meet The Thonged Avenger

The Bad:

Some days I just feel like curling up in a ball, crying my eyes out, and then hibernating for a few months. Today is one of those days. Nothing is going right and I feel like shit. But tomorrow is a new day and maybe things will turn around.

The Overall:

I really can't complain in general. Things are in a mostly upward swing. It's damn good to be in Nevada. And I have a wonderful family (My Husband, Parents, and Furkids).

I don't have the energy to do a full update, but maybe, just maybe this time I'll start updating more frequently. Maybe.

D
frekiandgeri: (Default)
The Good:

I've put up a webcomic. It isn't much and I'm well aware my artwork could use work, but it's something I've wanted to do for a long time and I enjoy doing it:

Dah Dah Dah! Meet The Thonged Avenger

The Bad:

Some days I just feel like curling up in a ball, crying my eyes out, and then hibernating for a few months. Today is one of those days. Nothing is going right and I feel like shit. But tomorrow is a new day and maybe things will turn around.

The Overall:

I really can't complain in general. Things are in a mostly upward swing. It's damn good to be in Nevada. And I have a wonderful family (My Husband, Parents, and Furkids).

I don't have the energy to do a full update, but maybe, just maybe this time I'll start updating more frequently. Maybe.

D
frekiandgeri: (Default)

Frank had his interview. It went well, but he didn't get the job. They told him to get a couple more years time in and he'll be golden.

The year started off well, our hopes high. But it's been a rough few weeks. Our car died... right after we put $500 into it. The medical bills are piling up. And Franks hours at work have been crazy, which has led to neither of us getting enough sleep.

It looks like things are calming down again, though. Frank's hours will be more regular in the coming weeks, we were able to find a reliable vehicle for the time being, and we have a few options on the table.

Hopefully this weekend we can sit down and relax, maybe have a glass of wine. I think we both need to unwind. And catch up on our sleep!

D

frekiandgeri: (Default)

Frank had his interview. It went well, but he didn't get the job. They told him to get a couple more years time in and he'll be golden.

The year started off well, our hopes high. But it's been a rough few weeks. Our car died... right after we put $500 into it. The medical bills are piling up. And Franks hours at work have been crazy, which has led to neither of us getting enough sleep.

It looks like things are calming down again, though. Frank's hours will be more regular in the coming weeks, we were able to find a reliable vehicle for the time being, and we have a few options on the table.

Hopefully this weekend we can sit down and relax, maybe have a glass of wine. I think we both need to unwind. And catch up on our sleep!

D

frekiandgeri: (Default)
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frekiandgeri: (Default)

It's hard for me to let go.

I've long held onto the dream of what I call my 'happily ever after'. My definition may differ from the story books, but even at that it's a rarity in this world. And some days I wonder if it's possible at all.

Some days I marvel at all the things we have in common and it truly feels like we are one soul split up into two different bodies. Other days I feel that connection waning and I wonder if we're even compatible enough to make it. There have been times when even my cynical mother has said our meeting seemed like fate and that we were made for each other. But other times we seem mismatched. I feel extreme highs and extreme lows... and I really don't want either. I would be thrilled to have a comfortable, happy medium that makes me feel secure and loved.

The last shred of my innocence and wellbeing have survived on my belief that true love does exist and monogamy, however unnatural it may be, can be chosen and treasured. The belief that two people can remain happy over the years. The belief that your best friend and lover is all you need in the world, and all others are simply in the background.

I find my heart being tugged around by inconsistency. One day it is being told what it wants to hear and another day it's being crushed with the news that what was said may not have been entirely true. Whether this inconsistency is intentional or not, it's wreaking havoc on my already fragile mentality from being so far from everything I know. A little consistency would be wonderful, even if it isn't what I want to hear. I'd much rather know something hurtful to be fact, than have my hopes falsely risen by a beautiful fib.

Maybe I expect too much. Maybe no one out there feels the way I do and I should just give up on my pitiful ideals. Perhaps our differences aren't so much proof that we're not meant to be, but more a product of our genders, different wiring, and different backgrounds.

I've always felt that mono/poly relationships were a raw deal for the mono person in the relationship. That one person was doing all the sacrificing because they couldn't bear to lose the other person, even if it meant settling for less than what they wanted. I've NEVER believed that settling was acceptable. I vowed to NEVER settle again. But perhaps that's what this has come down to. Maybe I just need to accept the fact that I'll be doing the sacrificing, and settle for a lesser version of my 'happily ever after' because in the end... it's still more beautiful than anything I've ever experienced and it's still incredibly rare.

Maybe it's time for me to just let go of that last little shred.



D
frekiandgeri: (Default)

It's hard for me to let go.

I've long held onto the dream of what I call my 'happily ever after'. My definition may differ from the story books, but even at that it's a rarity in this world. And some days I wonder if it's possible at all.

Some days I marvel at all the things we have in common and it truly feels like we are one soul split up into two different bodies. Other days I feel that connection waning and I wonder if we're even compatible enough to make it. There have been times when even my cynical mother has said our meeting seemed like fate and that we were made for each other. But other times we seem mismatched. I feel extreme highs and extreme lows... and I really don't want either. I would be thrilled to have a comfortable, happy medium that makes me feel secure and loved.

The last shred of my innocence and wellbeing have survived on my belief that true love does exist and monogamy, however unnatural it may be, can be chosen and treasured. The belief that two people can remain happy over the years. The belief that your best friend and lover is all you need in the world, and all others are simply in the background.

I find my heart being tugged around by inconsistency. One day it is being told what it wants to hear and another day it's being crushed with the news that what was said may not have been entirely true. Whether this inconsistency is intentional or not, it's wreaking havoc on my already fragile mentality from being so far from everything I know. A little consistency would be wonderful, even if it isn't what I want to hear. I'd much rather know something hurtful to be fact, than have my hopes falsely risen by a beautiful fib.

Maybe I expect too much. Maybe no one out there feels the way I do and I should just give up on my pitiful ideals. Perhaps our differences aren't so much proof that we're not meant to be, but more a product of our genders, different wiring, and different backgrounds.

I've always felt that mono/poly relationships were a raw deal for the mono person in the relationship. That one person was doing all the sacrificing because they couldn't bear to lose the other person, even if it meant settling for less than what they wanted. I've NEVER believed that settling was acceptable. I vowed to NEVER settle again. But perhaps that's what this has come down to. Maybe I just need to accept the fact that I'll be doing the sacrificing, and settle for a lesser version of my 'happily ever after' because in the end... it's still more beautiful than anything I've ever experienced and it's still incredibly rare.

Maybe it's time for me to just let go of that last little shred.



D
frekiandgeri: (Default)
The rain pouring down in a constant roar, only broken up by the flash of lightening and crash of thunder, is like a lullaby to me. I want to take a long nap and sleep the storm away.

I've gotten back in touch with my creative side recently. Drawing more and writing more than I have in quite some time. I'm really enjoying it. Frank has helped me in more ways than he knows. He is so incredibly confident with everything he does. Although his cockiness used to annoy me, I've become fond of it. Now it makes me smile and serves as an inspiration to me. I've become more confident in my own pursuits. Why does everything I do HAVE to be perfect? It doesn't! And I can be proud of what I do, even if others do it better.

I finished a painting the other day that I absolutely adore. I call it 'Two hearts, one soul' and although it's very simplistic, it has the most meaning of anything I've ever done.

I have a project in the works that I never would have had the confidence to display for the world to see in the past. I'm hoping to do an online comic. I have a wonderful idea already and a few scripts already worked out. Now I just need to work out the fine details and get a few solid story lines that will carry a decent stream of comics.

The rain seems to be dying down and I still haven't worked in that nap. Time for a nice little siesta.

D
frekiandgeri: (Default)
The rain pouring down in a constant roar, only broken up by the flash of lightening and crash of thunder, is like a lullaby to me. I want to take a long nap and sleep the storm away.

I've gotten back in touch with my creative side recently. Drawing more and writing more than I have in quite some time. I'm really enjoying it. Frank has helped me in more ways than he knows. He is so incredibly confident with everything he does. Although his cockiness used to annoy me, I've become fond of it. Now it makes me smile and serves as an inspiration to me. I've become more confident in my own pursuits. Why does everything I do HAVE to be perfect? It doesn't! And I can be proud of what I do, even if others do it better.

I finished a painting the other day that I absolutely adore. I call it 'Two hearts, one soul' and although it's very simplistic, it has the most meaning of anything I've ever done.

I have a project in the works that I never would have had the confidence to display for the world to see in the past. I'm hoping to do an online comic. I have a wonderful idea already and a few scripts already worked out. Now I just need to work out the fine details and get a few solid story lines that will carry a decent stream of comics.

The rain seems to be dying down and I still haven't worked in that nap. Time for a nice little siesta.

D

Changes.

Apr. 23rd, 2008 09:02 am
frekiandgeri: (Default)

I've been neglecting this journal. It's odd, because when I used to write in it frequently, I had very little to say as I was incredibly reclusive and new adventures simply didn't happen. Many of my old posts are repetitive and display my struggle with social anxiety. Now, when I have finally begun to truly live and have many interesting stories to tell, I hardly ever write and when I do, my posts are quick, simple updates.

I write frequently on myspace, mostly because that is the only place I can keep in touch with my very few friends. But those posts are simply a tool for letting my friends know what is happening with me, nothing more and nothing less. It is rare that I post poetry, insightful writings, or rants. Live Journal was always about writing for me. It wasn't to update friends or to go on about how my day was. But at one point that changed. I decided to dedicate this journal to following my interest in working with animals. Unfortunately, that was extremely premature and I deleted some wonderful posts in the process of starting fresh. I won't do that again, as I find my old posts reflect a time I don't want to forget and I'm a little upset that many of my posts are gone, but I am going to change this journal back into what it was... a place to simply write. It doesn't matter what about. My goal of building and running an animal rescue has not changed, but I've realized that the process of learning and gaining experience is rather tedious to document, at least as the sole subject for this journal.

I may or may not go back and write about some of Frank's and my misadventures over the past two years. We've definitely been through quite a bit for such a young relationship. I'm sure there will be plenty more in the future. One thing is for sure, life is never boring now. It amazes me that the girl who wrote in this journal three years ago could throw caution to the wind, hop in a car with a boy she's only been with for two months, and move over 2000 miles away from everything she knows and loves, and then go back again, all without having a major panic attack... in fact, being oddly comfortable with the whole thing. I've gone way beyond my comfort zone and have been grateful for it each time. And now we've tried that move again, although much better prepared this time, and I must say it's been wonderful. Living in Mississippi has presented it's own unique issues, but we've managed to overcome them. And I must say, the distance has done wonders for my relationship with my parents.

I suppose my desire to resurrect this journal came about because I've started a new chapter in my life, in fact it seems I've finally gotten to the main storyline, and I would love to be able to look back at this time and remember. And there are things I dearly want to write about. Feelings, thoughts, and changes. As I've gotten older, I've found that I've actually become more idealistic in some ways. I was always cynical about, well, everything. And although I know part of me has always held on tight to certain ideals, on the surface I almost went out of my way to be a realist, mostly to protect myself. Now, I let a little of my inner idealist shine. It would be nice to see how some of my ideas and views on things have evolved over time. This journal was always just for me and to be honest, I've really missed that. A place just to sit down and write.



D

Changes.

Apr. 23rd, 2008 09:02 am
frekiandgeri: (Default)

I've been neglecting this journal. It's odd, because when I used to write in it frequently, I had very little to say as I was incredibly reclusive and new adventures simply didn't happen. Many of my old posts are repetitive and display my struggle with social anxiety. Now, when I have finally begun to truly live and have many interesting stories to tell, I hardly ever write and when I do, my posts are quick, simple updates.

I write frequently on myspace, mostly because that is the only place I can keep in touch with my very few friends. But those posts are simply a tool for letting my friends know what is happening with me, nothing more and nothing less. It is rare that I post poetry, insightful writings, or rants. Live Journal was always about writing for me. It wasn't to update friends or to go on about how my day was. But at one point that changed. I decided to dedicate this journal to following my interest in working with animals. Unfortunately, that was extremely premature and I deleted some wonderful posts in the process of starting fresh. I won't do that again, as I find my old posts reflect a time I don't want to forget and I'm a little upset that many of my posts are gone, but I am going to change this journal back into what it was... a place to simply write. It doesn't matter what about. My goal of building and running an animal rescue has not changed, but I've realized that the process of learning and gaining experience is rather tedious to document, at least as the sole subject for this journal.

I may or may not go back and write about some of Frank's and my misadventures over the past two years. We've definitely been through quite a bit for such a young relationship. I'm sure there will be plenty more in the future. One thing is for sure, life is never boring now. It amazes me that the girl who wrote in this journal three years ago could throw caution to the wind, hop in a car with a boy she's only been with for two months, and move over 2000 miles away from everything she knows and loves, and then go back again, all without having a major panic attack... in fact, being oddly comfortable with the whole thing. I've gone way beyond my comfort zone and have been grateful for it each time. And now we've tried that move again, although much better prepared this time, and I must say it's been wonderful. Living in Mississippi has presented it's own unique issues, but we've managed to overcome them. And I must say, the distance has done wonders for my relationship with my parents.

I suppose my desire to resurrect this journal came about because I've started a new chapter in my life, in fact it seems I've finally gotten to the main storyline, and I would love to be able to look back at this time and remember. And there are things I dearly want to write about. Feelings, thoughts, and changes. As I've gotten older, I've found that I've actually become more idealistic in some ways. I was always cynical about, well, everything. And although I know part of me has always held on tight to certain ideals, on the surface I almost went out of my way to be a realist, mostly to protect myself. Now, I let a little of my inner idealist shine. It would be nice to see how some of my ideas and views on things have evolved over time. This journal was always just for me and to be honest, I've really missed that. A place just to sit down and write.



D

New CD!

Feb. 22nd, 2008 07:30 pm
frekiandgeri: (Default)
For anyone who still reads my journal, please check this out. My friend does awesome work and I want to share it with anyone interested.

New CD!

Feb. 22nd, 2008 07:30 pm
frekiandgeri: (Default)
For anyone who still reads my journal, please check this out. My friend does awesome work and I want to share it with anyone interested.

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