I've been neglecting this journal. It's odd, because when I used to write in it frequently, I had very little to say as I was incredibly reclusive and new adventures simply didn't happen. Many of my old posts are repetitive and display my struggle with social anxiety. Now, when I have finally begun to truly live and have many interesting stories to tell, I hardly ever write and when I do, my posts are quick, simple updates.
I write frequently on myspace, mostly because that is the only place I can keep in touch with my very few friends. But those posts are simply a tool for letting my friends know what is happening with me, nothing more and nothing less. It is rare that I post poetry, insightful writings, or rants. Live Journal was always about writing for me. It wasn't to update friends or to go on about how my day was. But at one point that changed. I decided to dedicate this journal to following my interest in working with animals. Unfortunately, that was extremely premature and I deleted some wonderful posts in the process of starting fresh. I won't do that again, as I find my old posts reflect a time I don't want to forget and I'm a little upset that many of my posts are gone, but I am going to change this journal back into what it was... a place to simply write. It doesn't matter what about. My goal of building and running an animal rescue has not changed, but I've realized that the process of learning and gaining experience is rather tedious to document, at least as the sole subject for this journal.
I may or may not go back and write about some of Frank's and my misadventures over the past two years. We've definitely been through quite a bit for such a young relationship. I'm sure there will be plenty more in the future. One thing is for sure, life is never boring now. It amazes me that the girl who wrote in this journal three years ago could throw caution to the wind, hop in a car with a boy she's only been with for two months, and move over 2000 miles away from everything she knows and loves, and then go back again, all without having a major panic attack... in fact, being oddly comfortable with the whole thing. I've gone way beyond my comfort zone and have been grateful for it each time. And now we've tried that move again, although much better prepared this time, and I must say it's been wonderful. Living in Mississippi has presented it's own unique issues, but we've managed to overcome them. And I must say, the distance has done wonders for my relationship with my parents.
I suppose my desire to resurrect this journal came about because I've started a new chapter in my life, in fact it seems I've finally gotten to the main storyline, and I would love to be able to look back at this time and remember. And there are things I dearly want to write about. Feelings, thoughts, and changes. As I've gotten older, I've found that I've actually become more idealistic in some ways. I was always cynical about, well, everything. And although I know part of me has always held on tight to certain ideals, on the surface I almost went out of my way to be a realist, mostly to protect myself. Now, I let a little of my inner idealist shine. It would be nice to see how some of my ideas and views on things have evolved over time. This journal was always just for me and to be honest, I've really missed that. A place just to sit down and write.